It's been too long...

Since I posted. This is just a test. Is it wrong to pee in your neighbor's potted plants? Do the math!

Get Paid to Take Dumps...

I am writing a book (probably not) about how you too can get paid for going number 2. It's an amazing concept. I'll run down the basics and you can go from there. It's simple, and easy to follow.
Step one: Hold it, until you get to work!
two: Wait till you get into work, give it a bit.
three: take a short pottie break (I'd say 20 min is okay)
four: relax, take your time, read, do a crossword puzzle, twitter on your phone, etc
five: Finish up, no one can say anything to you.
six: repeat at least once a day.

At the end of the day, if you're hourly and say make 12 dollars and hour (I know that's not too much) You've spent 40 min in the bathroom, that's $8.00 for your dumps. Take that, corporate world.

My personal success story ranges from dumps in the Army, Security, Substitute teaching, and Labor. You too can be wildly successful!

One of the Best Videos of All Time

EMBED-Drunkest Guy Ever Goes for More Beer - Watch more free videos

This guy's high on ether. It's long yes, but watch beginning and the end, the end yes. Classic.

Things I've Learned....From Indiana Jones

There's a Grail
Germans-Can't trust them
Indians (from sub continent India) are badass and can rip hearts out
Muslims train monkeys to do nefarious deeds
Hitler was indeed right handed or left-I can't recall
Old people are awesome
You can drive motorcycles through Yale's Library
Aliens like created society
Religions mash together and are all true or something
Whips can solve any problem, including that one where your girlfriend's been naughty
Archeologists have the best jobs ever

Speaking of HoboErotica>>>

If that doesn't get your jimmy in a twist, I don't know what will. Maybe this???@?!

Screenplay

If anyone ever wants to read my screenplay, I will send it to you email address. It's a sweet comedy with homoerotic undertones about two stoner dishwashers.

I would have written it with HOBOEROTIC undertones, but the censors and hollywood phonies stomped the idea into the dirt.

On The Ground

Normally this stuff is okay, but I love the lines about "hollywood phonies trying to give me their autographs." And the birthday cake.

Murder Wasn't the Case!!!

I listen to rap. That's about it. It's pretty sweet. Though, I'm not entirely sure their hood is as tough as anything I've grown up in.
Greenwich, Conn or Fairfield, Conn
(not my real hometown, but close)

People I may not be tougher than

Dolph Lungren
Ralph Macciao (spelling)
Connecticut's Attorney General (Richard 'Harry' Blumenthal)
The entire troupe of Oingo Boingo
My girlfriend-her kung fu's much stronger
Charlie from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
and of course...

Duke Nukem

My shoes stink like shit...

And not because of my ravenous athlete's foot. My job took me to a real bad area of the city with the task of cleaning the streets and abandoned lots. The driveway and garage we cleaned was covered in dog? shit. I had to drive with the windows down all the way home. I blame the minorities, masons, republicans, moon men, and Karl Rove.

Blenderz Crucial Sports Hut...One of the greatest viral videos.

I did not know there was so much flipping in Gay Ballroom Dancing!

Downward Spiral of Porn

Does anyone ever notice the downward spiral of pornography. It starts all nice and clean with the Victoria's Secret catalog or a playboy. Then came porn videos (on VHS, yes) which was taboo and fun. You'd have to borrow a friend's friend movie, or watch it with guys, which kind of took some of the specialness away, unless it was gay midget porn.

Then the Internet came. It started with slow downloads of naughty pictures from chat rooms, occasionally the illicit and weird pics would come through your email. Besides getting viruses (not the good kind like Chlamydiae), it was less than exciting after hours downloading.

Then internet porn sites came. It started nice with the downloading of movies, all straight laced, girl on girl, or guy/girl. All of a sudden you find yourself not being able to get a hard-on with out looking at granny, or Brazilian Fart porn. I'm Just Sayin', KEEP IT COMING!!!#@!

Apparently...

That last picture was a bit large. Just click on it to see the whole thing.
Anyways, right now, I'm attempting to be productive, but only in my head.
It's a mind game. If you think you're productive, then you are. Just like I think
I'm skinny and have all my hair, and what do you know, it's true.

a

Nic Cage Hair of The Day....

Self Loving?

This is What a 56 Year Old Virgin Looks Like and Sounds Like

I found this off Fark.com . This has to be a value voter of some sort. "I'm technically a virgin." I wouldn't even hit that.

Teabagging...

Is Awesome. I force all women (men) I date to partake. Long live teabagging!!!

This movie haunts my dreams, And I haven't seen it.

The Movie the Human Centipede is killing my dreams and haunting my waking life.

It's about a mad scientist (doctor) who used to be a world renowned Siamese twin surgeon. He took his job a bit far, creating a three dog. The surgeon's view of humanity is a bit twisted. It's his dream to create a human centipede, by attaching people together.

He accomplishes this by attaching three kidnapped victims together, mouth to ass. The pictures, as you will see aren't graphic, but they definitely leave nothing to the imagination. The guy cuts tendons at the knees, removes teeth, and fuses mouths to asses.

The movie is supposedly the first in a planned trilogy. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I now cannot get an erection without looking at these pictures. Oh my! Kidding. It's fucked up though.

I am tougher than all of these people!

Except the "I hope you like Pain" guy.

New Segment...People I'm tougher than.

I'm tougher than this guy.

I wrote this movie about me....

It's an autobiographical piece. Unfortunately, the fucking hollywood execs tore apart the movie. They left my climactic scene on the cutting room floor and opted for the cliched ending. The scene was filmed in the latest in CGI technology and cost 145 million dollars.

My ending had my character (me) skiing down the sides of Mount Fuji, doing back scratchers, spread eagles, and scissors, all the while cutting katana wielding Velociraptors in half. I am going to release a director's cut, mark my words.

Chicken Liberation.

The best movie of all time. It features romance, action, and drama. It won 103 Oscars.

This is what I'm Capable of!

I'm even tougher!

Google's out to get me.

By now, we must have had tens of hits. And look, Google doesn't even have any listing of the blog here. Search Results for Skininjasmustdie It's a travesty.

Write your local congressman (woman-doesn't matter) or someone high up in the government. My blog, which hasn't fully realized itself isn't even recognized in the internets. They are repressing the site. It's true.

Some people may claim, there's no such thing as a ski ninja, that it's a scary campfire story to keep children toeing the line of morality. But there's proof.

I think it's because I've found something. Something so dastardly and damning, that the interweb president is stopping search engines from bouncing all over my site. It may be this. Or this.

You be the judge. Ski ninja out!!!

Best Radio Hostess On Earth

Stephanie Miller is the center of the greatest liberal show on in the history of the universe.
Her website is : https://www.stephaniemiller.com/

Stephanie was born to republicans but rejected their backward views and rose above the fray. After failing on television numerous times, she found her niche on the radio. Her co-hosts are comedians, voice specialists, and conspiracy nuts.

Her comedy is smarmy, intelligent, and a bit sexual. I sit at the computer in the morning surfing fark.com and listening to her babble on. The show tears apart right wing nutcases and celebrities alike.

She is highly recommended. And Kinda Hot.

Where I got my tattoo from, and I'm one of them

Sorry

That was a bit off the charts and possibly a bit ethnically unsound. I'm off my meds.

Fake political letters from minorities, and old people...I can write them too.

Dear Senator Dodd,

I just got done eating my collard greens Senator Dodd, and began wheeling myself around on my walker. Something struck me. It was the fact that our energy's clean enough. I can walk on my feeble feet down to the store and buy some coal. Coals already clean, it doesn't need anymore stuff.

In the 80 plus years I've been on this great earth, I've noticed how everything's changed. The party of Lincoln has become a pulsating pot of shit. It represses minorities such as myself. But they have some points, I don't want death panels deciding to take away my iron lung. (I have two and their nuclear powered)

Also us minorities (and I speak for everyone) and old folks hate all this talk about health care reform, clean energy. I want you to fix that. Oh, and you're a crook. Minorities will no longer vote for you.

Signed,
Edna
Founder, ELDERY BLACK PEOPLES AGAINST ANY REFORM

What Not to Say on A First Date

Here's some dating advice. I would avoid these topics/sentences. Try to use them sparingly or never. It will help you get the girl or man, or man/bear/pig of your dreams. I will also tell you when it's okay to say them.

"That hooker sure took a long time to die." (on deathbed, to priest)
"I once got thrown out of a club in Tijuana for jumping on stage during a donkey show." (Before bachelor party to reassure her that you'll be a good boy)
"My herpes went away." (after bareback it for the first time)
"That sex offender list is overrated." (after kids)
"Shut your whore mouth up." (On your wedding night, she's your property now)
"Are you lactating?" (when she's preggers)

I've said some of these things, but in jest (after the first date)
One of the things I've said though is: "On our first date, we kiss, tommorrow it's anal, then a threesome with midgets on our third." You can test your date if they have a sense of humor.

Karl Rove Band Names

All of you (2 people or so) have been waiting for my list of band names. I am going to start with the Karl Rove version. It will be a short list. Because of my lack of brain power and disgust with life at this point.
Enjoy:

The Karl Rove Experience
Texas Karl Rove Massacre
Karl Rove's Merry Minions
Karl Rove Eats Babies
Everyone Loves Karl
President Bush's Turd Blossom
The Karl Rove Experiment
Karl Rove's Exoskeleton

On a less serious note...Nic Cage Hair of the Day....

Here's how I feel...Disgruntled and multiploe personalitied.

Sort of Losing My Job...On a serious note...

Apparently as a combat vet, an angry, overly cautious vet, I blew it. I tracked a guy through the bank that had gotten past me a couple of times and used our phones. I'd thought he was an employeed. Turns out, he wasn't. I fixed that by finding out everything I could about the man. His description, car, plate, etc. I made a stink of it.

Maybe too much. I drew attention to my shortcomings. I'm comfortable with that. But this bullshit corporate fuck you over shit is crap. I stepped over the line, literally to the next property to say hi to a guard and watch the lot and my boss thought I was dicking around. Fuck this shit. Now I've switched locations to North Haven as a loss prevention guard. And I'm sure my job security's shit like before.

My brief Resume:
4 years in the infantry
6 or so in criminal justice
1 plus in nonprofit
5 year college degree in criminal justice.

That job was fucking beneath me. Beneath me. I stayed because I liked the people I worked for. Not any other reason. I had opportunities. I feel betrayed and pissed. Fuck corporate and bank bullshit. Fuck banks...eat a cock, you bailout fuckers.

Best Commercial Ever #1

BadMovies.org

This was my favorite site for years. It's still around and kicking. The site's run by a marine. Apparently a marine with free time. He's reviewed hundreds of terrible movies and rated them. I wish I had the Drive of this guy.

In college, friends of mine and I started "crappy movie night" in lieu of the departure of Mystery Science Theater 3000 from tv. Our first film was Frankenhooker, a classic New Jersey love story about a man and his dead wife who he splices back together using hooker parts. (he kills them with "supercrack"-which has to be seen to be believed)

Anyways I ran across this site during my early college years and fell in love. I encourage anyone with a taste in b rated movies or worse, to check it out.

Nic Cage Hair of the Day (my mood)

Experimental!

Fat Chicks In Party Hats...

This is one of the other classic websites that got me through college, while dementing my head permanently. It features 39 pages consisting of multitudinous pictures of fat, mentally retarded, and rednecks (sometimes a combination of all three).

Along with the pictures, there's commentary. And by commentary, I mean 5th grade level sentences probably written by a foreigner (read Long Island). It's insanely immature. So I hope you enjoy it as much as I once did. I am now fat. Therefore, this site is kryptonite to me.

This person obviously had way too much time on their hands, and a hatred for anything not normally proportioned/mentally stable. I would venture to guess it's something deep seated (spelling?) and pathological. The bonus is, the site's still running. However, I don't think it's been updated for years. Maybe a fan hijacked it to preserve its history.

Here's my favorite picture. A cop...and his unique problem:

"This is oficer meatbeef. my butter maker is broke. i need back up very fast."

First Web Review...War With Canada

I discovered this site during college. I was probably drunk, banging lotsa chicks and having the time of my life when I happened across this site. It progressed or destroyed my sense of humor, I'm still not sure.

Publish Post

The site itself was probably written and created by an educated man, from Florida. The site hinted at such. As we all know, Florida borders Canada and his reasoning can be justified. He probably hates hockey too, like good red blooded Americans.

I googled the website. It's probably buried among other semi-legitimate pages. Right now, slightly buzzed on vodka tonics, I can't seem to get to it, so here's a picture of what the guy may look like. The site needs to be resurrected and brought into the limelight. If there's a hidden enemy of the US worse and isideous than Iran, Saudi Arabia, UAE, the Republican Party, and New Jersey, it's Canada. Someone needs to bring it back.

Classic Websites...

I am going to review, highlight and comment on some classic, old skool internets sites.
These sites got me through tough times...ie college, boring internships, and girlfriends. Some
of the sites are mean spirited, grammatically incorrect, and probably republican in nature.
Judge for yourself. A few of these are probably not around anymore.

The first wave will include:
War With Canada
Fat Chicks in Party Hats
Cliff Yablonski Hates You
Badmovies.org

That is all. Don't blame me if your brain eats itself after surfing into these sites.

Bad Movies...

My list of bad movies...not necessarily in order. There will be additions.
Mainstream movies:

Ghost Rider
Push
(my head hurts from dehydration and stupidity, so that's it for that list)

B movies:

Frankenhooker
Shark Attack 3 (or 2)
Troll 2
(head still hurts)

One of the best pick up lines I've never used.

Take it from this documentary on dating, Shark Attack 2 (or 3) - Megladon. It worked for him. I encourage everyone to try it. Unless you're gay, then you've got problems.
This movie's one of my favorite bad movies. I will be posting a list and reviews of them soon.
Enjoy...Embark on a new journey with this line.

Actually the video itself was disabled for embedding, so I had to include another. It's got the worst scenes in movies and at least 2 of them are from the shark one.

Crazy Right Wing Radio Host Powers Up.

Check this out. It must be true.

Sarah Palin

I once saw this woman when she greeted my brigade back into Alaska. December 2006. I thought she was damn hot. Problem is, she's a damn right-wing Nazi, and not the fun kind (that like to party).

She's all over the place. I would love to empathize with her, but it seems impossible. First the witchcraft, then everything else. Her choice as a candidate was an obvious power play by the Rethugs to undermine the Black thing.

I wish her luck. I know in my heart of hearts she'll bring ruin to the Republican party.

Twittering...Ahhh.

I am now twittering on the internets. My name's VeteransArt and I'm fucking sweet.
I don't even know how to contact my friends on the twitter page.

If you know how, let me know, or like call me or something.

Here at Fort Benning!!! AWESOME!

I am writing a short blog to my one (possibly) reader, to explain that I have been recalled into the army. I am currently awaiting word if I am mentally and physically fit for war. I don't actually know, but I have fought to stay.

It's like basic, where you only are beholden to what you admit in your in processing medical check. I admitted a few issues that red flagged me and am currently in medical hold. There are about 150 new call backs due in today. The massive recall of military personnel has been grossly overlooked by the media. A few spots have been published when one of us makes a stink (read: the mother of two who can't leave her kids with her truck driver husband).

I plan on continuing this blog with the hope that it gains momentum. I will be publishing pictures, reviews, news, insites and ideas on this if I am to be sent to Iraq.

The things I will miss most are my girlfriend, black and yellow labs, and my Best Friend's Wedding. (I am the best man)

I also was featured on the front page of the Hartford Courant...I'll update that on the next blog. The article coincided with my recall, to the day.

A New Start!

This is me, I am demonstrating my masculinity. That picture was taken in Mosul, Iraq.

I am a liberal, that's who I am. I am not promising to be completely objective in my posts, stories, etc. I am not even sure where I'm headed with the posts. It'll be a bit about life, politics, combat, movies and music. Nothing spectacular.