Tuesday, August 18, 2009

What Not to Say on A First Date

Here's some dating advice. I would avoid these topics/sentences. Try to use them sparingly or never. It will help you get the girl or man, or man/bear/pig of your dreams. I will also tell you when it's okay to say them.

"That hooker sure took a long time to die." (on deathbed, to priest)
"I once got thrown out of a club in Tijuana for jumping on stage during a donkey show." (Before bachelor party to reassure her that you'll be a good boy)
"My herpes went away." (after bareback it for the first time)
"That sex offender list is overrated." (after kids)
"Shut your whore mouth up." (On your wedding night, she's your property now)
"Are you lactating?" (when she's preggers)

I've said some of these things, but in jest (after the first date)
One of the things I've said though is: "On our first date, we kiss, tommorrow it's anal, then a threesome with midgets on our third." You can test your date if they have a sense of humor.

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