Sunday, August 30, 2009

Chicken Liberation.

The best movie of all time. It features romance, action, and drama. It won 103 Oscars.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

This is what I'm Capable of!

I'm even tougher!

Google's out to get me.

By now, we must have had tens of hits. And look, Google doesn't even have any listing of the blog here. Search Results for Skininjasmustdie It's a travesty.

Write your local congressman (woman-doesn't matter) or someone high up in the government. My blog, which hasn't fully realized itself isn't even recognized in the internets. They are repressing the site. It's true.

Some people may claim, there's no such thing as a ski ninja, that it's a scary campfire story to keep children toeing the line of morality. But there's proof.

I think it's because I've found something. Something so dastardly and damning, that the interweb president is stopping search engines from bouncing all over my site. It may be this. Or this.

You be the judge. Ski ninja out!!!

Best Radio Hostess On Earth

Stephanie Miller is the center of the greatest liberal show on in the history of the universe.
Her website is :

Stephanie was born to republicans but rejected their backward views and rose above the fray. After failing on television numerous times, she found her niche on the radio. Her co-hosts are comedians, voice specialists, and conspiracy nuts.

Her comedy is smarmy, intelligent, and a bit sexual. I sit at the computer in the morning surfing and listening to her babble on. The show tears apart right wing nutcases and celebrities alike.

She is highly recommended. And Kinda Hot.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Where I got my tattoo from, and I'm one of them


That was a bit off the charts and possibly a bit ethnically unsound. I'm off my meds.

Fake political letters from minorities, and old people...I can write them too.

Dear Senator Dodd,

I just got done eating my collard greens Senator Dodd, and began wheeling myself around on my walker. Something struck me. It was the fact that our energy's clean enough. I can walk on my feeble feet down to the store and buy some coal. Coals already clean, it doesn't need anymore stuff.

In the 80 plus years I've been on this great earth, I've noticed how everything's changed. The party of Lincoln has become a pulsating pot of shit. It represses minorities such as myself. But they have some points, I don't want death panels deciding to take away my iron lung. (I have two and their nuclear powered)

Also us minorities (and I speak for everyone) and old folks hate all this talk about health care reform, clean energy. I want you to fix that. Oh, and you're a crook. Minorities will no longer vote for you.


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

What Not to Say on A First Date

Here's some dating advice. I would avoid these topics/sentences. Try to use them sparingly or never. It will help you get the girl or man, or man/bear/pig of your dreams. I will also tell you when it's okay to say them.

"That hooker sure took a long time to die." (on deathbed, to priest)
"I once got thrown out of a club in Tijuana for jumping on stage during a donkey show." (Before bachelor party to reassure her that you'll be a good boy)
"My herpes went away." (after bareback it for the first time)
"That sex offender list is overrated." (after kids)
"Shut your whore mouth up." (On your wedding night, she's your property now)
"Are you lactating?" (when she's preggers)

I've said some of these things, but in jest (after the first date)
One of the things I've said though is: "On our first date, we kiss, tommorrow it's anal, then a threesome with midgets on our third." You can test your date if they have a sense of humor.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Karl Rove Band Names

All of you (2 people or so) have been waiting for my list of band names. I am going to start with the Karl Rove version. It will be a short list. Because of my lack of brain power and disgust with life at this point.

The Karl Rove Experience
Texas Karl Rove Massacre
Karl Rove's Merry Minions
Karl Rove Eats Babies
Everyone Loves Karl
President Bush's Turd Blossom
The Karl Rove Experiment
Karl Rove's Exoskeleton

On a less serious note...Nic Cage Hair of the Day....

Here's how I feel...Disgruntled and multiploe personalitied.

Sort of Losing My Job...On a serious note...

Apparently as a combat vet, an angry, overly cautious vet, I blew it. I tracked a guy through the bank that had gotten past me a couple of times and used our phones. I'd thought he was an employeed. Turns out, he wasn't. I fixed that by finding out everything I could about the man. His description, car, plate, etc. I made a stink of it.

Maybe too much. I drew attention to my shortcomings. I'm comfortable with that. But this bullshit corporate fuck you over shit is crap. I stepped over the line, literally to the next property to say hi to a guard and watch the lot and my boss thought I was dicking around. Fuck this shit. Now I've switched locations to North Haven as a loss prevention guard. And I'm sure my job security's shit like before.

My brief Resume:
4 years in the infantry
6 or so in criminal justice
1 plus in nonprofit
5 year college degree in criminal justice.

That job was fucking beneath me. Beneath me. I stayed because I liked the people I worked for. Not any other reason. I had opportunities. I feel betrayed and pissed. Fuck corporate and bank bullshit. Fuck a cock, you bailout fuckers.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Best Commercial Ever #1

This was my favorite site for years. It's still around and kicking. The site's run by a marine. Apparently a marine with free time. He's reviewed hundreds of terrible movies and rated them. I wish I had the Drive of this guy.

In college, friends of mine and I started "crappy movie night" in lieu of the departure of Mystery Science Theater 3000 from tv. Our first film was Frankenhooker, a classic New Jersey love story about a man and his dead wife who he splices back together using hooker parts. (he kills them with "supercrack"-which has to be seen to be believed)

Anyways I ran across this site during my early college years and fell in love. I encourage anyone with a taste in b rated movies or worse, to check it out.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Nic Cage Hair of the Day (my mood)


Fat Chicks In Party Hats...

This is one of the other classic websites that got me through college, while dementing my head permanently. It features 39 pages consisting of multitudinous pictures of fat, mentally retarded, and rednecks (sometimes a combination of all three).

Along with the pictures, there's commentary. And by commentary, I mean 5th grade level sentences probably written by a foreigner (read Long Island). It's insanely immature. So I hope you enjoy it as much as I once did. I am now fat. Therefore, this site is kryptonite to me.

This person obviously had way too much time on their hands, and a hatred for anything not normally proportioned/mentally stable. I would venture to guess it's something deep seated (spelling?) and pathological. The bonus is, the site's still running. However, I don't think it's been updated for years. Maybe a fan hijacked it to preserve its history.

Here's my favorite picture. A cop...and his unique problem:

"This is oficer meatbeef. my butter maker is broke. i need back up very fast."

Thursday, August 6, 2009

First Web Review...War With Canada

I discovered this site during college. I was probably drunk, banging lotsa chicks and having the time of my life when I happened across this site. It progressed or destroyed my sense of humor, I'm still not sure.
Publish Post

The site itself was probably written and created by an educated man, from Florida. The site hinted at such. As we all know, Florida borders Canada and his reasoning can be justified. He probably hates hockey too, like good red blooded Americans.

I googled the website. It's probably buried among other semi-legitimate pages. Right now, slightly buzzed on vodka tonics, I can't seem to get to it, so here's a picture of what the guy may look like. The site needs to be resurrected and brought into the limelight. If there's a hidden enemy of the US worse and isideous than Iran, Saudi Arabia, UAE, the Republican Party, and New Jersey, it's Canada. Someone needs to bring it back.

Classic Websites...

I am going to review, highlight and comment on some classic, old skool internets sites.
These sites got me through tough college, boring internships, and girlfriends. Some
of the sites are mean spirited, grammatically incorrect, and probably republican in nature.
Judge for yourself. A few of these are probably not around anymore.

The first wave will include:
War With Canada
Fat Chicks in Party Hats
Cliff Yablonski Hates You

That is all. Don't blame me if your brain eats itself after surfing into these sites.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Bad Movies...

My list of bad movies...not necessarily in order. There will be additions.
Mainstream movies:

Ghost Rider
(my head hurts from dehydration and stupidity, so that's it for that list)

B movies:

Shark Attack 3 (or 2)
Troll 2
(head still hurts)

One of the best pick up lines I've never used.

Take it from this documentary on dating, Shark Attack 2 (or 3) - Megladon. It worked for him. I encourage everyone to try it. Unless you're gay, then you've got problems.
This movie's one of my favorite bad movies. I will be posting a list and reviews of them soon.
Enjoy...Embark on a new journey with this line.

Actually the video itself was disabled for embedding, so I had to include another. It's got the worst scenes in movies and at least 2 of them are from the shark one.